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To be Willing to Wonder

To be Willing to Wonder

I had a feeling the announcement was coming. Those little inklings had been skittering over the surface of my mind for weeks, but I had hoped I was wrong, and was still totally unprepared for the jolt of hurt and betrayal that shot through the center of my chest in that moment. A colleague had been promoted, and while she did good work and it was not undeserved, I felt my job had demanded more of me, and it seemed…

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Balance & Grace

Balance & Grace

It’s easier to guard our energy than to guard our time. Our time feels so precious, doesn’t it? We try to guard it so carefully, probably because we are all running so close to the edge, and we have designs on virtually every waking minute, and so we get very attached to the idea of the day going smoothly. You know the drill. We want the computer to go faster, the traffic to clear, the lines at the store to…

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Daily Bread

Daily Bread

There’s a sweet spot between being totally adrift, and being owned by your to-do list, and lately I’ve been calling it my “daily bread.” The phrase comes from one of the most well-known prayers in the Christian faith, a pearl of simplicity among more lofty spiritual ideas. It speaks of contentment and trust, and the connection between heaven and earth. Lately, I’ve been thinking of it as an orientation to past and future, a posture of embracing what’s right in…

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This is not the End

This is not the End

Hope is a tricky thing when the future is hazy. It feels like you’re doing a thousand-piece puzzle, with no idea of what the end result will look like. No matter what, though, I know this: It’s not going to look like the past. Your past is only your past. It is not your present. It is not your future. This is an incredibly encouraging thought for me, because it means that regardless of what failure I’ve experienced, or what…

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The Manifesto

The Manifesto

I feel like my heart is pulled in one hundred directions each day. I want to be brave and sweet and bold and kind, but too often, I find myself distracted. Life gets hectic, things get hard, and I start worrying about my future, or my silly to-do list, or whether I’m doing enough. I second guess myself, and get frustrated when things don’t go as planned. I don’t want to be this way, constantly running from one thing to…

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Bright & Beautiful

Bright & Beautiful

The story of my friendship with Kelly is nothing short of redemptive, and not just because Kelly has this insane beauty about her and I tend to consider myself phenomenally uncool, but because it was so very unexpected, so very unlikely, and so very essential to bringing my heart back to light. I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up. I changed cities when I married Stephen, and I wanted it to be a fresh start, but I found…

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Finding the way Forward

Finding the way Forward

“I rued the day once. Didn’t get much else done.” –Chandler Bing A few years ago, I went through a season of intense fallout. I’d made some choices that seemed like really good, solid choices at first, and truthfully, I made them knowing that I was stepping into a massively volatile situation, but I’d convinced myself that it wasn’t really a risk. I figured we’d figure it out. Solid logic, I know. No matter, it seemed like all signs pointed…

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But First, Honesty

But First, Honesty

The night I met Stephen, we played a game that was sort of like a combination of the card game Mafia and freeze tag. It’s not a card game, you get up and move, and you play after dark, with all the lights off in the house. There’s a “killer” who wins by finding and tagging everyone in the house before getting caught. I’m pretty sure there are good guys too, and a way for them to win, but I…

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Layers of Grace

Layers of Grace

I’ve been running awfully close to the edge. It’s that familiar feeling of being spread so thin, and nothing getting the time or attention that I want to put into it. I woke up at 3am Monday morning, a million details running through my mind. The thoughts came insistent and persistent, loud enough to let me know sleep wouldn’t be returning immediately, so rather than toss and turn, I got up to write. Kylie curled up on the couch next…

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The Heart of it All

The Heart of it All

“Silence is praise to you, Zion-dwelling God, and also obedience. You hear the prayer in it all.” Psalm 65:1-2 What are you looking for? You’ve checked your phone a hundred times. Yesterday morning was a perfect fall morning at the Apple Fest with Ryan and Lindsey. The guys were running the 18K, and after cheering them across the starting line, Lindsey and I got coffee and went back to the car to stay warm. We were able to have one…

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